Category: Writers Block
It is hard to judge one’s self and it can sometimes be even harder to reflect on your own ideas, short comings, and intolerances. When one fits into multiple minority groups it is hard to say what they would allow and not allow. For me it is the same, I am a homosexual, someone with a visual disability and a wiccan, as well as a female. I know what it is like to be judged, handicapped and discriminated against. And all for what reason, for no better reason than the fact that I cannot see as well as everyone else. The fact that I do have actual working vision does not detour people from belittling me or trying to harass me, that was how things were in high school, harassment threats and bullying. That is why I have the saying of do not judge me before you get to know me. That is true for anyone, do not judge anyone before you get to know them, appearance is not everything, even if people do put a lot of stock into it. I was born with a visual condition called retinopathy of prematurity, a condition that affects babies who are born before twenty six weeks of birth, and is caused by not having the retina fully developed or having too much oxygen after birth. I was born at twenty two weeks have no vision in my right eye, and somewhat good vision in my left. “I can play some video games, I just can’t read, I can move around walking, biking, just can’t drive.”
That is what I tell people when they ask me how much I can see, not ever having anything else to go off of that is the best way I can explain it. I talk a lot about my disability because that is the topic I feel most comfortable discussing in a paper, but I will just touch the tip of the iceberg with the other two pieces of what makes me, me.
I have hidden the fact that I am homosexual from many people including my family and only recently came out to them, they do not accept who I am, trying to tell me that I am something I know I am not, the only people who accept me for who I am are my cousin and my father, as well as my friends, well my college friends. High school was different, no one knew I was a lesbian except for my vision teacher and the school psychologist and my best friend. To hide who and what you are is challenging, unless you have some people you can open up to fully. Believe me that it is not easy to open fully for fear of what the person might do, people say that they will stick by you, but when you need them the most they walked away, therefore ruining your ability to trust, and making the people you actually do trust even stronger.
I have been a wiccan for the past five years. Wiccans are not Satan worshipers as many people believe, we are just people who believe in different things, as I tell many people, we are an earth based religion, which is perfect for someone who is a nature freak like me. I will not go into the intricacies because there are so many of them. I just want to say that this is who I am and nothing or no one will change that part of me, not ever.
for someone who falls into several minority groups, it was very hard for me to find something that I am intolerant of but the intolerance was many years ago while living with my mother constantly, once I got to college and even before that I had started making my own decisions, my own ideas. When my mother and I were walking in a store or some other place and someone would speak in their native tongue my mother would always comment “You are in America speak English,” so to hear someone speaking their own language kind of irritated me but that is not so much now. People do what is comfortable to them and I do not judge people, not for their race, their sexuality, ability or any others that I may of missed. That is just part of my personality, I reserve judgment because I was and am always being judged. Discrimination is not pretty and can sometimes turn rather ugly violent and very, very hurtful.
I have plans for what I would like to do in life, travel, help children, learn to play an instrument if possible and educate others about what is out there, many people know nothing of how to help someone with a disability and those who do need to go through different schooling, first to get an education degree, then special education, then even further, in the “teacher of the visually impaired or TVI” as they are more often called. When you see someone who has a white mobility cane walking in the street, you should not just stop and stare, sure you have never seen them before, but do you stare at everyone else who is walking down the sidewalk? No you do not. People with disabilities are just like everyone else. I was once told by my psychologist, my mother, and my vision teacher, “Ashley you might not be able to see, but you have to show your ability beyond your disability"
sorry, this needed to be in two posts, grr, stupid pain in the ass paper.
takes up right where the last post left off
I still live by that today. I do the best I can with everything that I do. Many people who have a disability are seen as cripples, or retarded, or slow, this is not the case. When you meet someone with a disability treat them like you would anyone else. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
There are several ways I can go about educating people about those with disabilities, but the first thing I need to do is have more exposure to other types of handicaps, not just vision. The more people I know, the more variety I know the better I will feel about helping then in any way I can and hopefully receive some help in the future. The next thing I will have to do is research, know what I am talking about, know why people end up like they are, write things up, compile what I have learned, but not all just online, or through books, that is just other research, I will do my own too, watch, learn, listen to what they say and find things out on my own. I will have to my own conclusions based on what I know, and expand on them. I will not have any preconceptions of how someone is supposed to act, feel or what they are doing or thinking. After that I will try to find a group of likeminded people and see if I can work with them to show others that being disabled is just a label, that we can do anything we put our minds to, we should never set limits for ourselves because that just closes us off to the endless possibilities of what is out there waiting for us. I know that I am not the only person who thinks like this, but for all the research a for lack of a better term normal non handicapped person does, they do not know how it actually is to live in our shoes, simulations can only do so much and still, that is not close to the living thing, they do not know the sometimes physical pain we go through, for whatever reason. they do not know the mental and emotional struggle we go through to be just like everyone else. They also do not know how hard we try just to make our ways in this cruel lonely world. They do not know, and yet they still proclaim to know, to understand when in fact they cannot. And this is what I wish to change. To heighten the awareness of what disabilities are out there, to show the world that there is nothing to be intolerant about, that we are human, we are able, we can do whatever we set our minds to do.
To conclude, I am a person who falls into several minority groups but there is only one I feel most comfortable discussing in length, through no fault of my own, or lack of willingness to, but for the fact that Wicca and homosexuality are still seen even today as controversial and I do not wish to cause problems. I strive to do the best I can, to show the world that we are human as well as they are, we are not just people who are seen as less than the rest. I have learned more about myself while writing this, to realize that I am serious about what I want to do, to understand that me not judging anyone has lead to me having no current intolerances to others, but and I hope that they never change, I know who and what I am, and this has just reaffirmed who and what I am. I show my ability beyond my disability, I can do anything I set my mind to and that is what I will do.
i like it ashley.. its true about you ..
yes alicia it is, now for me to work on my plans, that is another thing all together.